some things i just can’t blog about

Some things are too personal to blog about. When mom gets cancer. Mom and Dad separating and reuniting. A kid in therapy. Addiction and recovery. More has been happening in my life lately than I can possibly cipher for the future. Just know that life in your thirties makes you more adult than you really want to be. And older friends assure me it only gets thicker over time. One friend told me I’d probably reinvent myself (I guess that means vocations) three times before I’m fifty. Inside I still feel in many ways like that kid I was coming of age at sixteen. I’d spend hours upon hours in this recliner writing down all my feelings and listening to music. That was the only way I knew to cope. That should say something to me about the way I feel people perceive me. The ones I know love me I don’t worry about. The ones I feel I piss off I just try to ignore and hope they don’t come around. Either way I’ll just be about my business.  How the last three sentences fit with the one prior I don’t know. I just write what I feel.

I finished Flannery O’Connor’s “The Violent Bear It Away” recently. What a weird ending! I can’t quite decide what’s happening. Is Tarwater a ghost? Is it all a vision? I looked it up in Jill Baumgaertner’s book but see nothing about the ending. She mentions Tarwater being raped though. When did that happen?


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