Worst Reading Accident Ever

This morning while reading 1 Samuel 11:1-14 (where Saul defeats the Ammonites), I set my coffee cup down on the couch arm like I always do, but this time my wrist fluttered just a bit, the cup tipped, and for some reason in surprise I pulled the cup back, pouring coffee all over my legs, my Bible, the floor, and the couch. There, in the middle of morning devotions, I had a little fit of embarrassment, shouting half profanities, fuming, whining, yelling. My wife, sitting only a few feet away, remained in the Spirit. She patiently, gracefully pointed out that it was all an accident, and only coffee. Maybe it was that I drenched the side of my faithful NRSV with the Apocrypha. Maybe it was embarrassment and fear over the loss of some motor skill. I felt like a child, helpless, frustrated, but mostly angry at myself. At any rate, this had to be, far and away, my worst reading accident ever.

But the story doesn’t end there. After all was cleaned up I wanted more coffee. I went over to the kitchen counter and poured coffee from the caraffe and then promptly bumped the cup spilling it all over the counter! Real married love is when my wife manages to keep it together through two such dimentia episodes. I seriously wonder if I’ve ever been so patient and graceful with her. I can’t remember.

So now I want to hear your worst reading accident. Did anyone set fire to themselves reading with a cigar? Has anyone been trying to read and drive or read and walk? Has anyone ever seen Neil Gaiman’s children’s book where a little girl trades her daddy for a goldfish and the whole time he just sits reading his newspaper? I want to know.

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3 responses to “Worst Reading Accident Ever

  1. d. w. horstkoetter

    Heh. Worst reading accident ever? Funny you mention fire. I definitely set fire to my hair (it was fairly longish) with my pipe while i was reading. Oddly enough I thought if I just kept puffing at it would simply put it out. That definitely wasn’t the case. I put it out quick enough, that is after it flared up, but now I definitely read a tad more carefully.

  2. I was reading while sitting at a stoplight once, so enthralled I didn’t realize I eased my foot off the brake, and was inching forward until i gently bumped a huge pick-up truck. The driver just got out, raised his arms in “What the __?” fashion, and got back in. No real harm, but I don’t really read at stoplights anymore.

  3. A couple of the pages of my own Bible still bear the stains from a mid-90s episode with coffee. Over the years as I have needed to look beyond those coffee stains to find the Truth on those pages, I have been reminded that finding Truth in our relationship with other people sometimes requires us to look beyond the coffee stains of past “accidents” in our own or others’ lives. The stains are gentle reminders. There is great Truth behind them.

    Thanks for your post!

    Your Friends at Nameless, Faceless Love

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