“You pulling out tomorrow?”
“No, Thursday morning.”
“There’s a lot involved isn’t there?”
“Got more stuff than you thought you did?”
These may be the last words my good friends hear from me for a while. I’m no good at saying good-byes. I figure it will all settle in on me in time, how much I’m going to miss this place, these people. I’ve been really comfortable here for the first time in my life. I’ve finally found a daily rhythm of life that leaves me with peace. I’ve learned I’m not the center of the universe and I’ve begun learning to take life on life’s terms. Why would I want to mess with that?
I doubt myself constantly. How can I be so sure this is what God wants us to do? Did we really hear you Lord? There’s so much hassle involved in this move. I take so much of what I’m living everyday for granted. I gotta get new ID where we’re moving to. A new address and picture. Gotta get registered to vote again. Got to get used to new neighbors. Lord you’ve provided everything but it’s still so hard!
But I’m so eager to serve in a new way. So eager to see what God is going to do next. Eager to see my kids in a new environment. We just got a young dog and they love it so much. They each got their own room now. I’ll have yard work and in time a garden. I’ll be closer to my family, my dad and my sisters. I know this is right. It’s not that I won’t miss all my friends here. But there’s so much needed in St. Louis.
What does it mean to be needed? Does it mean I surrender all responsibility for my time and energy to someone else? Does it mean I have to always say yes? Does it mean it’s up to me to be right and have good answers in every situation? No. None of these. On the other side, does being needed guarantee that what I want to give is what will be wanted? Does it mean what I’m giving will always be received with gratitude? Does it mean the person in need will perceive reality the way I do? No. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” But what if they want to be treated differently? What does love demand in situations where love is not known or welcomed? I have a lot more questions than answers. This will take time.